Home sweet home.....

 
 

Today was the day! I returned the big red box to Sarah's mother. I got up the courage to dial the phone, then playing my speech in my mind, I hesitated before I pushed the call button. Then an incoming call saved me. Ahhh, a reprieve. Only a few minutes, but a much needed few minutes.


I'm usually not at a loss for words, but as my horoscope said today-

You will soon be giving an important gift. The thought you put into it now will make all the difference. Keep the explanation simple.


My phone call was over and Sarah’s parents phone number was still sitting there on my phone waiting for me to push the button. No details needed I told myself, just enough. I pushed the button. It began to ring and my mind and heart were racing. I don't know why I was so nervous, other than I didn't know what to expect. A cheerful woman answered the phone, "Is this Mrs. ______?" I asked. "Yes" she replied. Very simply I said, "My name is Shelley and I was paid to clean out a storage garage. In that garage I came across some things that belonged to your daughter, Sarah, and I would like to return them to you?" sigh.... Short and simple I thought, I made it through it without any hesitation, rehearsed over and over, you bet!

"Ok, I have to go out and get some cat food and run some errands, I won't be home so you can just put it on the front porch. My husband will be home," she said in the same cheerful voice.

"should I knock and let your husband know I'm putting it on the porch?"

"No, that's ok, you can just leave it there. Do you know what house it is?"

"Yes, I have your address. I will leave it on the porch, ok bye......."

No questions to answer, nothing. How easy was that? My agonizing was for nothing. I guess there is a lesson here, don't worry until you have something to worry about. Relief- I've done what I needed to do. Is the last chapter written, I don't know. What I do know is I have completed my mission, and I am at peace with big red box being home with her mother. I may never know the final chapter for it doesn't include me, and that’s ok!  I wish for a happy ending.
Thank you Sarah! You have helped me more than you know. Now back to my life. I confess, I kept something of Sarah’s that sits in my kitchen and when I look at it, it reminds me of her. :)

Be Thankful

in all aspects of your life.... Have a good one!

Maybe Scrooge was onto something....

That was the headline to an article I read in USA Today this morning. It was so sane that I wanted to raise my fists into the air like a victory stance. Holy cow, someone else gets it too. Christmas has become so out of control that it consumes at least 6 weeks of our year. Maybe I feel that way because the wonder of children is absent in our family. (This is not a hint!!!! so kids don't take it that way! lol) Nothing is cuter than children running into your bedroom at 3am to wake you up because they are sure they heard Santa in the living room. Now, I have to wake everyone up to let them know that Santa arrived. I love the magic of Christmas viewed through the eyes of a child. You just can't explain it. That is why we have fallen hook line and sinker for the commercialism of the holiday season.
Last year, due to my storage unit story, I did not decorate for Christmas. No tree, no wreath, no stockings hung by the chimney with care, nada! Nobody said a word, maybe for obvious reasons, but my father in law who came over for our annual Christmas Eve Pierogi dinner. "where are your nutcrackers" That was it. I must confess, we did eat off the beautiful Christmas dishes I bought the year before on clearance after the holidays, but other than that not a trace of tinsel to be found. There is that Dish addiction again!
This year the only thing you will find is the new wreath I bought at the Christmas Tree Shop. There is that addiction again!!! Bahhh Humbug. Come January, I didn't have to put everything away and vacuum up fake snow for months to come. I think I liked it! Don't get me wrong, once there are little ones who run through my doorway on Christmas day, you bet the lights will twinkle once again, but until then that is one less thing that I have to add to the list.
Santa will still come, as he does every year. Les will still slave in the kitchen every Christmas Eve preparing for the Pierogi feast. We will meet with both sides of the family to sit down to a meal with the whole gang. That will be our Christmas.
Like the author of the article stated.... Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday. Eat, drink, family and watch football! No presents involved, no lavish decorating, just a turkey. Amen!

I need to see the Wizard... I need some courage!

Fear set in. Sunday my thoughts were filled with Sarah. I am just not ready. I am so anxious and nervous. I am afraid to meet her parents. I don't know what to say, I don't even know how to begin to tell them how or why I need to see them. It consumed my day. I tried to keep busy so that I wouldn't have time to make the phone call. I have the phone number. I just don't think I can do it yet, and as many times as I run through the dialogue nothing seems right. I fear the questions.... where, why, how did this happen? I fear the emotion, I'm not sure if it's Sarah's parents emotions or my emotions. Maybe an artfully penned letter - ring the doorbell and run- is the option I will choose. I know, I am a coward. I just want them to have the big red box, but I want it to be a good thing, not something that is too painful. I don't think I can get away with not letting them know how I came to be the keeper of these memories. I feel I have to explain some of it, because it will leave too many mysteries for them to solve.
I need help with this one...... it's not clear to me. Maybe I'm just over thinking . Like jumping off the zip line, I have to take a deep breath, and just do it! I imagine the ride will be just as terrifying. Hopefully in the end, I will come out just as I did when my feet hit the ground, OK!, and an experience not to be forgotten.

I couldn't wait.......

I know you don't hear from me over the weekend, but as I sit here dumfounded, I had to share this experience with you.  Like I do every day, I check my horoscope.  Not sure why, maybe looking for the one that says, today it the day to buy that lotto ticket!  Your lucky day!!!  On occasion a paragraph comes up that fits my day and I ponder over it, chuckle sometimes, or just wonder "How do they know????"
Well, as I clicked on Gemini, I started reading my weekend forecast.  Just like the weather, I would love to know what I'm in store for.  Sunday, blew me away.  I couldn't believe what I was reading.  I read and re read it.  My hands began to shake and I realized there are too many forces that are thrusting me into Sarah's life and this is just another one of those signs.  If you can explain it, please do, because I can't.  I can just sit here stunned by what I read.
Just yesterday, I bought a big package of tissue paper to begin repacking the big red box.  I guess I better hurry, because tomorrow, I may be compelled to make that phone call.

Here is my horoscope-
Sunday’s Full Moon lights up a mystical calling in your life. Are you drawn to play a “guardian angel” role in someone’s life? Don’t hesitate if the opportunity arises to make a difference for this person. Pick up the phone and call if you get an intuitive feeling. No, there’s no logical reason why you should care this much, but the impact you have will be nothing short of miraculous.

Taking a bite out of the Big Apple

Well, not only have I designated 2010 to be a year of trying to get my sh*t together.... but also a year to reflect on where I have been and where I want to go. You know, back to that bucket list. Right up on top has been for years, to visit NYC. I can't believe I have never been there. Years ago, Jaime called me from Time Square, while he was on a business trip, to tell me how cool it was. "You would like it here Mom." I told him, next time he had a business trip planned, I would squat in his paid for primo location Hotel. Well, he moved on to bigger and better things and that never happened.


Last Spring, Les was traveling quite frequently to NY. 30 minutes from the city... ahh my chance to squat again. As he used some of his free time away from work to venture into the city, I again received word from Time Square,
"Shelley, you would love this place" And again, life just never allowed me to get away and make the trip.

Guess what...... I'm off! Les has informed me that I will be included in this year’s BASF Christmas party! I'm ready for security at the airport to pat me down and send me on that jet liner to New York! The Party will be in Time Square- Yippie! Thank you BASF for footing the entire bill, I'm considering this an early Christmas present. Except the new outfit I will be buying, and the new pair of spanx! I sure hope it meets my expectations.

Bucket List- NYC- check it off- mission accomplished!

Chapter two, the journey continues

 
 

I have experienced an agonizing few weeks.... In amongst trying to live my life I have tried to piece together many scenarios’ as I search to do the right thing for someone else’s life. I am not sure I am qualified to make that decision. I feel tremendous guilt for prying into such a sensitive part of people I don't even knows lives. I have done a little detective work, 5 minutes on the internet and I found them. I have viewed the children’s Facebook pages, I know when they moved from one city to another, I know the husband has remarried and added to his family. I know their address, I know where the kids go to school, what sports they play, who they hang around with. This really tells you how much is out there in cyberspace, just about everything. I am thankful, because it has made it much easier for me to continue my journey.

Ok, so now what? The torment that follows me is, who do I give the big red box to? I have found out that this was an extremely difficult time, what this family went through.  I didn't doubt that.  Do I stir up those memories and send them back to that dark time in their lives? Did the husband intentionally leave these memories behind because he could not handle the pain? From what I know, it doesn't appear that he casually disposed of these precious items. I don't pretend to understand, nor am I due an explanation. This is truly none of my business. That is how I view it, yet I feel I have been unwillingly given the "job" to see that Sarah's life is returned. You would think it would be an easy decision, but it’s not. It has become a priority to me, an obsession, and I need to do my best for the entire family. I have to be sensitive to every single one of them. That will be the ultimate closure for me -that I took into consideration everyone’s feelings. Or, what I imagine their feeling are.
I know where Sarah's mother and father live. This is important because, after many sleepless nights, I have decided that her mother will be the one to receive these special items. They are her grandchildren and I feel she is qualified to be the keeper and the decision maker on when and if they should receive them. I will feel at peace that the big red box will be in the right hands.
Now, I agonize on how to approach them. First I will go through the box and re wrap it all. I believe, everything should be specially placed in the box, and be the treasure chest of memories it was meant to be. Give it some dignity. It has become a dumping ground for what I decided was most important. I still am bothered by the fact that I had to decide. As a mother, and someone who puts sentimental value on just about everything, I did my best and at this point and I cannot keep second guessing myself.
My goal is to have everything ready by Thanksgiving. This is the time of the year that families count their blessings .... just like everything else in this story makes us count ours.

On the road again

Off to help my first born and his lovely girlie friend move to Charlotte via Atlanta.  I love a good road trip...... new sites, new scenery, new eats!  Speaking of eats, those who have traveled with me know the rule.. no eating at a chain restaurant, or anyplace you can eat at home.... Adventure is the name of the game.  Found a website to help find those awesome mom and pop restaurants that all the locals love.  roadfood.com - going to test it out this trip.  Just wish I would have thought of that!   See you in a week. 

PS. Sarah update next week... have made progress :)

Countdown

It's November 2010....already.  Panic is setting in.  60 days left until the year is put to rest.  I am exhausted from the Halloween weekend and can't imagine the looming holidays... I think I will recharge with some beautiful pictures.  I hope you enjoy them.....

xoxoxo Shelley